Forgiveness

Betrayal, aggression, and just plain insensitivity: People can hurt us in a million ways, and forgiveness isn’t always easy. Whether you’ve been cut off in traffic, slighted by your mother-in-law, betrayed by a spouse, or badmouthed by a co-worker, most of us are faced with a variety of situations that we can choose to ruminate over or forgive. But forgiveness, like so many things in life, is easier said than done.


Forgiveness can be difficult. Truly it isn’t easy to completely release the burdens from the bad or unfortunate wrongs that may have been done. Yet while it is difficult, it is necessary. To carry the burdens of heavy debt and sorrow on our shoulders will quickly weigh us down. We must forgive as to ease the tension and be set free from these burdens. As we forgive those who may have wronged us, let us be grateful for the opportunity to be set free.

The Challenges of Forgiveness
Forgiveness can be a challenge for several reasons. Sometimes forgiveness can be confused with condoning what someone has done to us: “That’s OK. Why not do it again?” Even people who understand the distinction between accepting someone's bad behavior as "okay" and accepting that it happened and one must let go of anger to move forward, forgiveness can be difficult because these two are easily confused.

Forgiveness can also be difficult when the person who wronged us doesn’t seem to deserve our forgiveness. It feels like we are letting them "off the hook" when they are the one who wronged us. It’s hard to remember that forgiveness benefits the forgiver more than the one who is forgiven.

Ultimately, forgiveness is especially challenging because it’s hard to let go of what’s happened. It can be really difficult to accept some things in life. Forgiving someone who has committed unacceptable behavior can be difficult when we are having trouble letting go of anger about the events and accepting what happened to us.

The Importance of Forgiveness
It’s important to let go and forgive. Here are some reasons why.

Forgiveness is good for your heart—literally. One study from the Journal of Behavioral Medicine found forgiveness to be associated with lower heart rate and blood pressure as well as stress relief. This can bring long-term health benefits to your heart and overall health.


A later study found forgiveness to be positively associated with five measures of health: physical symptoms, medications used, sleep quality, fatigue, and somatic complaints. It seems that the reduction in negative affect (depressive symptoms), strengthened spirituality, conflict management and stress relief one finds through forgiveness all have a significant impact on overall health.

A third study, published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, found that forgiveness not only restores positive thoughts, feelings and behaviors toward the offending party (in other words, forgiveness restores the relationship to its previous positive state), but the benefits of forgiveness spill over to positive behaviors toward others outside of the relationship. Forgiveness is associated with more volunteerism, donating to charity, and other altruistic behaviors. (And the converse is true of non-forgiveness.)

To sum it up, forgiveness is good for your body, your relationships, and your place in the world. That’s reason enough to convince virtually anyone to do the work of letting go of anger and working on forgiveness.